


I am so in love with you, I forgot what I wanted to say.

by oathkeptroxas



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Fix-It, Friendship/Love, Loss, Love Confessions, Memories, Nostalgia, Past Relationship(s), Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:06:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7590358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathkeptroxas/pseuds/oathkeptroxas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt:<br/>"Laurel's death scene should have ended with Oliver telling her she's wrong and that she is the love of his life. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	I am so in love with you, I forgot what I wanted to say.

**Author's Note:**

> I would prefer you didn't leave requests in the comment section, and instead went over to my tumblr. However, if you must leave them here, at least do me a solid and leave your thoughts on the fic you're commenting on.

There were so many notions battling for dominance in his mind. He’s shaking with shock and adrenaline and the hurt of seeing her hurting, but he’s also almost numb with relief.

She looked fragile in the hospital bed, vulnerable in a way he’d never seen her. Even when her fingers were quaking around the glass of a bottle, even when her bloodshot eyes closed against the harshness of alcohol on her lips and down her throat, she’d had a fire inside. She’d never been afraid to say what needed to be said. For all of the things that had happened to her, for all of the justifications for her decisions and behaviour, he’d never seen her look so small.

She was peering up at him, watery eyes blinking in expectation, and he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell her what she needed to hear, he wanted to give her everything that she needed. The idea of almost losing her was too much to bear. 

He thought back to every time he’d reached for that photograph like a lifeline, like an anchor to who he had been before all this. He remembered Slade’s patronizing ribbing from across the campfire. He remembered rubbing a thumb over the image of her face so many times it was almost worn away. He remembered how the one thing that kept him pushing forward was how much he had to tell her, how much she didn’t know.

If he had just treated her like she’d deserved. If he had just been mature enough to commit. If he had never betrayed her the way that he did that last time, then none of this ever would’ve happened. Getting on the Gambit had cost him everything, and he’d made that choice because he was running. He’d left because he’d been too afraid to give Laurel what she wanted. He’d said goodbye to her on that dock and looked into the face of the woman who had only ever seen the best of him, and he’d knowingly broken her heart.

He stared down at her now, her shaking fingers were holding out the photograph that had once been everything he had. She was gazing upon him like she understood, but how could she? She might’ve known how long he’d kept it, she might have guessed that would mean something. But there was no way for her to understand just how often that picture of her had saved his life.

Their eyes locked as he took the photo from her, and he laced their fingers together. After all of this time, everything they’d cost themselves, it was far past time that he came back to her. Any road will get you there, all routes lead back home. Home was a safe-place, home was a comfort, home was where you wanted to be most when you’re hurting. Home was Laurel Lance.

She opened her mouth to speak, her chapped lips formed words in a breathy, pained voice. He wanted to tell her to save her strength, that it could wait until she was better. He couldn’t fathom a world where she wouldn’t get better. But, her hand in his felt like he’d found something he’d always been missing. He felt freed. Leaving the island had not been his return, it had never been about the city.

She told him pretty words in a placating and heart-wrenching sincerity, and a part of him wanted to scream. How could she say this now? She had had to lose him multiple times already, she’d had to mourn his death at least twice. She knew what it was to be without him. She was always the stronger one. And Oliver knew that if the situations had been reversed there was no way that he would’ve made it. It was miracle that she was still standing, after everything that life had put her through, after everything that he’d put her through.

“I know I’m not the love of your life,”

 

Those words threatened to choke him. He was sorry he’d ever let her believe that was true. He wanted to take back everything that he’d ever done or said that gave her that ridiculous notion. 

“But you will always be the love of mine.”

 

Oliver took in a gasping breath, the backs of his eyes stung. How could she possibly think that the feeling wasn’t mutual? How badly had he hurt her that she was reduced to this now? Silently pining away for him when he’d never deserved her love, not ever. She knew him better than he knew himself. She’d seen him at his best and his worst and she’d never begrudged him his shortcomings. She’d never offered anything but love, unconditionally, no ultimatums. He’d taken her for granted. She’d always been there, always, and along the way he’d just assumed that he’d never be without her, never had to worry about what he would do if that happened. He couldn’t believe he’d completely disregarded what that meant.

“No. Laurel, I…It was always you. It is always you. I wouldn’t be here without you. That’s the truth… And I’m sorry for ever making you believe that I didn’t love you. Because that’s the one thing that I have always done. I don’t know how not to.”


End file.
